34

 

My 34th Birthday was amazing. I've had my share of birthday disasters, and it's been a hard road for me to find friends over the years. Not because I struggle to make friends, but because I've been quiet isolated due to my circumstances.

Being a stay at home mum can be quite lonely, that's why it's so important to get out and join things like playgroup, but then add on top of that special needs, homeschooling and stress which lead to poor health, it's a recipe for isolation.

I'm not saying that homeschooling or special needs or any of that stuff causes you to be isolated, it simply increases the chances. I cracked under the pressure. I wasn't in a supportive marriage, and it just crumbled. My life crumbled.

So anyway, I have been very lonely for a long time, and it hasn't been great. Now that I have moved back to my hometown and I feel as though I am finally starting to rebuild those connections that are so important for good mental and physical health.

FRIENDS ARE NECESSARY FOR YOUR HEALTH!!

Life flows in seasons, and I had a season of hardship and isolation, but through it all I grew and became stronger. I now know what I want more and what doesn't work.

Anyways, getting back to my birthday disaster...one year, not so long ago I invited a shit load of people to my birthday party at a Chinese restaurant and literally only three people turned up that weren't related to me and these people were people I wasn't even that close to.

I realised I didn't have a gang, I didn't have a tribe...and I felt so pathetic and stupid and just humiliated.

Another year I was planning a Alice in Wonderland type 'Tea Party' Birthday and just before my birthday my boyfriend dumped me and then my party feel apart, because I felt humiliated and I couldn't go on with it, and half the people coming were his friends.

I don't want to get caught up in expectations, perhaps that's where my fault lies, that I expect too much I have been told. But I don't think it's wrong to expect happiness on your birthday! To expect the people that love you to give a shit.

People treat you how you allow, and you get what you ask for and what you put out. If someone doesn't care and can't be bothered and you always give them everything, then it's time to move along. It really is that simple.

I love to celebrate everything...anything is an excuse to be happy, so why not? Who say's we have to stop celebrating life just because we grow up? I'll celebrate until the day I die..life is short and it's the happy memories that make it worth living for.

So my 34th birthday was the best birthday I have ever had...

The day started off with a lovely breakfast my friend cooked for me and my sister, he does this all the time, he holds a thing called 'Breakfast Club' were all get together every holidays and have Brekkie with our group of friends, and anyone else who cares to turn up. It's great. It's kinda like church dinner, when your on your own, it's so important to stay connected.

Then that night we had a party, and a bunch of backpackers turned up on a mini bus and a bunch of the local boys from Vanuatu also turned up. It was a costume party, but of course not everyone dressed up, but there was heaps of dancing and laughs, and in compassion to every other birthday I've ever had, that was by far the best party and best birthday ever.

It didn't matter that I didn't know half the people, everyone was friendly and seemed to enjoy themselves.

I was a little overwhelmed to be honest I couldn't believe so many people were there :)

I've been so depressed for the last two months, as I realised  my marriage is over and I'll be getting divorced soon, but the past three weeks has shocked me out of it. I'm still going to have bad days of course, that's life, but I feel so grateful to have such beautiful people in my life and know that I finally have a group of friends that get me and I belong too.

Harmony Day Floral Crowns

 

It was recently Harmony Day and I made  some orange floral crowns for my daughter and I to wear to play group. I also found some other things to wear it with too.

My dress I bought off E-Bay, which I have an awesome Emerald City craft Outfit post idea for.

 And, a dress my friend gave me, which came from this amazing lady who makes dresses and has a very cool online business, which I will mention in another post when I find the perfect way to style this dress :)

Fly My Pretties...Fly!

 

A couple of outfits I've worn lately. I am either in tracksuit pants, and a comfy jumper (This is when I am most comfortable) or I am trying to be a cool rockabilly, hippy chick. I LOVE dressing up, and wearing make-up, but as a mum...it can be an effect.

So anyways, I have lots of cool outfit ideas for my blog, and will try and get some up soon, I have just been so busy with life and studying and sorting out my kids stuff and writing...you get the picture ;)

This is one of my absolute favourite dresses. It's such a  sweet pattern and it can be styled in so many different ways.

I am obsessed with Wizard of OZ and Alice in Wonderland jewellery.

Floral Crowns & Random Acts of Kindness

 

Recently my friend, sister and I made Floral Crowns for ladies at a local nursing home. I came up with the idea because when we went carolling, I had some ladies tell me they loved the flowers in my hair. So I thought it would be a nice thing to do.

My friend took her beautiful little poodle with us, and seeing the smiles on the ladies faces, was totally worth the time it took to make the crowns. My friend and her poodle often visit the residents and I admire what a beautiful thing that is to do.

My sister came up with the design for the crowns, so we could make the elastic go twice as far and I think the material gives the crown a cool, different look. Lately I've been watching documentaries on on film stars, and I'm kind of obsessed with Jayne Mansfield...she often had something in her hair, and I'm feeling inspired to make some kind cool bow headpieces for the cooler months, I never wear flowers in my hair in Winter...it just doesn't natural!

These are my daughters cat ears from Kmart...I thought they were totally cute and borrowed them for the morning ;)

What random acts of kindness have you experienced or done for others?

Vulnerable

 

What is it to be vulnerable? To allow yourself to feel each emotion and to know that it is ok.

To not have to hide your true self. To not have to answer, I'm fine, or I'm good when people ask you how you are and your crumbling on the inside.

Once I was too proud and embarrassed and scared to actually tell the truth. I was raised that you don't go broadcasting your problems to the world, what a different world we live in now.

Nearly everybody has a Facebook Profile, Instagram, or some form of social media. Even the president of the united states has a Twitter account.

It's almost not even normal to not be on some form of social media. I do know a few people, notice I said a few that don't have Facebook, and I am now one of them, but I'll probably get back on one day.

I used to love Facebook when it first started, looking at friends photos, reconnecting with people I knew long ago but had forgotten about-it was a novelty, like a new toy at Christmas.

But then it kept changing, and it even became an addictive escape, just out of bad habits. Wake up in the morning, have a coffee. Check Facebook. Have another coffee at lunch time, check Facebook. Have a coffee in the afternoon, check Facebook. Having some quite time after dinner, check Facebook.

I realised I was on there far more than I had ever anticipated. When I  only had a cheap $100 phone, it wasn't an issue. I would only ever long onto it on the computer. But since I finally caught up with the rest of the world and got a ''cool' phone It was again the novelty, then an escape.

Then, Facebook started adding all those video feeds, then finally adds in your news feed. then I got random people I didn't know from a bar of soap asking to be my friends (obviously fake profiles) and then liking my statuses about my kids. Yup. That was it for me.

But before all of that, I had gone on and gone off several times- I honestly am so busy, that I don't even miss it.

Granted I do have other forms of Social Media, but I haven't even looked at them hardly for the past few months. I've tried a lot harder to exist more in the real world.

Being at home a lot though, as a stay at home mum, a home schooler, a carer, I think it is easy to fall into a virtual world, but there needs to be a balance of both, which can be hard sometimes.

But I think that I am more lonely now that I have left Facebook, because I don't know what my friends are up to, unless ask them. I actually miss some of the people I don't see regularly. Whereas it is easy to just content ourselves with catching up online sometimes, I don't really think this is very healthy, if it is the only form or most of the way we do this.

Which leads me back to the vulnerability thing. Yes, we may be more open on line with our lives and our bodies, but are we more vulnerable in person for it? Do we open up more to people in person, or do we just hide behind our keyboards?

I know that I certainly am more open in person then I have ever been, but it's not so much because of social media. It's because of all the trials and tribulations I've been through, that almost broke me, that taught me I can be strong in being vulnerable, there is strength in fragility.

I've had rants on Facebook, with responses of are you ok? To even why are you even posting that, people might get offended! 

I don't really care, it's my Facebook I would say. I then got annoyed at people trying to filter what I said. Then I realised this is the issue with social media,  once you say it, it's out there and people with judge you whether you like it or not. Even your friends.

But, what's the difference between saying it to a close friend, who probably won't tell anyone or not many people to broadcasting it to hundred's or thousands or 'friends?'

Judgement. Misinterpretation. Anger. Backlash.

But, that is the price of being vulnerable, of being open.

Merry Go Round

 

Life can become mundane and boring sometimes, that's why it's so important to get off the Merry Go Round of mediocrity and change up your routine. Finding new inspiration can be hard though, but so important to keep life interesting and worth living.

Getting into a rut is the first small step down into the long pit of depression and apathy, and it's not a nice place. I'm normally a very optimistic person, but this year (My first year of homeschooling) I became quite down. I realised after much introspection, that things hadn't turned out the way I planned...hello, what does? And that I need to revamp my energy levels and sort some shit out.

So, 2017 is going to more focused on me taking care of myself, so I can be a great un/homeschooling mum.

So's here's a list of things I've compiled that have helped me in the past to get myself out of a rut and some general rules I've learned about living a much happier and burden free life:

1. Clean out my wardrobe. Yes, it's cliché, but oh so true! Decluttering and changing up your look gives you an instant revamp. If you look and feel fresher, it ultimately flows into other areas of your life.

2. Also try wearing clothes you may not normally wear, or a different style, new or different makeup, different hair colour can all add to your new found sense of adventure.

3. One of my favourite things...write a list. A list of all the things you've always wanted to do, or maybe just pick five things and tick them off over the next six months. The sense of accomplishment will give you more confidence.

4. Meditate. Close your eyes, put on some relaxing music and try to listen to what your soul really wants, or tune out and listen to nothing at all but peace.

5. Ask for help more, even if it's just hey can you babysit/mind the kids so I can go out and do such and such. When you try to do everything you fall apart.

6. Forgive yourself more. You might of sleep half the day, the kids might have watched Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles all day and the only thing they learnt is that radiation mutates things. Great. Are they still alive? Yes? It's been a good day, get over it.

7. Be more assertive. When people are unexpectedly rude, sometimes it might take a moment to respond, then you don't...not really. Not the way you said you would in your head, because that person didn't really mean it like that did they? Well, if they didn't they will tell you. If someone is unnecessarily rude, sometimes the only thing to do it politely, yet firmly give it back to them. You don't want to be holding onto the rudeness of strangers all week, wishing you'd said what you should’ve.

8. Volunteer, if you have time. Helping others is the best way to take your mind off your own issues and perhaps even see them in a new light.

9.Write a story. It can be about anything. The point is you're getting 'it' out, whatever that may be.

10. Have a holiday, or a weekend away, or a day trip. Anything. Just see something new.

11. Get together with your closest friends for a girl’s night in or out and just remember what it was like to be a teenager or without responsibility for one night...just don't go too far, because I don't want you to end up like a scene from Bad Moms ;)

12. Create something. Art. A movie on your Camera phone. Just have fun.

13. Take a class at a community centre in anything.

14. Go for long walks in the Bush or Forest and take photos of nature.

15. Redecorate a room in your home or create a special little office space just for you to do your thing, maybe it's blogging, drawing, or just checking Facebook and playing candy crush.

16. Reconnect with people from your past and make peace with old grudges.

17. Cook yourself your favourite meal, go have a warm bubble bath and then sit down to eat it, in front of the T.V with your favourite show, and then have your favourite dessert.

18. Write a list of the amazing things you love about your partner and children and remind yourself how blessed you are.

19. Make a mixtape of all the songs that have meant something special to you during your lifetime, then get the kids up and dancing and that's their P.D for the day :)

20. Start a Blog...about whatever you're passionate about.

21. Teach yourself a new skill or instrument. There really is no excuse these days with all the YouTube videos and apps around.

I truly believe the secret to getting out of a rut is true self-expression and listening to what your heart really wants.

Unschooling???

 

I've become a great lover and believer in the Unschooling method. I've seen my kids struggle this year and I have wondered to what end? Especially children with developmental delays, is it fair to expect them to keep up to their peers in ways that just produce anxiety and stress? And what does it matter really?

In Sweden they don't actually start school until they are seven, yet, in Australia, we are teaching them how to write their name at three. If your child is ready for that, great! By all means teach them! But if they just wanna sit in the corner and stack block does it really matter at that age?

I know I suffered from a lot of pressure and stress when I did the HSC, and I just thought why on Earth do we do this to ourselves and our children? People are more stressed out and depressed these days than previous years and what is causing it?

The pressure to perform, obtain and succeed. The movies of the eighties told us we could do anything, the nineties told us women could have it all, and I think the last two decades have shown us we can have meltdowns and burnouts.

I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with having ambition and aiming high. Everyone should do the very best they can in life, but there's a greed or a misconception that has spread over the western world, that we always need to be striving for more.

And if you're not, there's something wrong with you. I've meet too many people whose whole concept of self is wrapped up in what they own, what they do and who they know, rather than who they are as a person. The danger in this, is we never know where life can take us, and this is all you have going for you, if you ever lost it, how would measure your self-worth then?

I refuse to put that kind of pressure on my children, and that's why I've chosen an unschooling lifestyle. I talked to the kids about it and explained what it would mean and they were very keen to learn more naturally.

I just wish I'd discovered it sooner and let them enjoy their childhood more. But it's never too late to turn things around.

We've been conditioned as a society to believe that the only way to learn and socialise is through institutionalized education. Yet many of the world's greatest thinkers and artist were self-taught or homeschooled. You do not need a piece of paper to prove you are educated, and you do not need to go to formal classes to learn something. Yes, gaining knowledge from someone older and wiser in many instances can be beneficial, but I'm saying it's not the only way to learn.

I've heard schools kill creativity. I've lived it. How can you have time to create when you're expected to do three to six hours of homework a night and you've been at school all day?

When do you have time to think for yourself and work out who you are?

Play teaches children to imagine, to problem solve, to co-operate, and children are learning even when they don't realise it, especially when they are younger. If only schools could incorporate a more play based, hands on method of teaching, than half the kids with ADHD would probably lose their diagnosis, kids would be more engaged, and be more relaxed.

But until then I'll continue to Unschool thanks.